Care for the Soul
I recently remarked (jokingly) to a friend that I’d like to commit myself to a mental institution. She nodded in agreement. Me, too. Just lock ourselves up and let someone else deal with it for a little while. Set down responsibilites. Be cared for and tended to. Take a break. Far from being a frightening prosepect, the idea of being locked up in a mental institution feels legitimizing somehow. Being locked up would “legitimize” the need for rest. There’s something terribly wrong in this line of thinking, I know. I am fully aware that this is really backwards upside-down and inside-out thinking. But there it is – and I know that I’m not alone. There are a good number of women who are so damn tired but have no idea how to rest, how to demand time for themselves, that the only way out seems to be to keep going till we can’t go no more. Till the only solution is to crumble into ourselves, exhausted, depleted.
What is this? Somewhere along the line I’ve been given the idea that I cannot rest, that I’m not entitled to a break, that I’ve gotta keep on moving, that time she is a’wasting. Somebody handed me this idea and I accepted it as truth and continue to carry it around and pass it on and make myself absolutely nuts. What is this? Am I trying to impress you? Make up for lost time? Outrun my demons? Earn karma points?
Why do I feel like I need to legitimize my need for space – inward and outward space – by locking myself up? All I ask is time to breathe, to think, to feel, to wonder, to simply be. Yet I keep taking on more and more and more. A friend asks, “Where is your joy?” and I have no idea.
No matter how connected I think I am to God, I consistently forget that I can surrender it all, at any moment. I forget that I can call out for help. But today I remembered. I remembered that God is there. That I can surrender right here, right now.
Why not just surrender everything to God, instead of McLean’s?
Breathe in deep
Free the mind
Spoil the child
Spare the rod
Rest in God
By Julie Palestrina, written for a Servant Leadership School class, via the Inward/Outward project of the Church of the Savior
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~i~ Food for your soul, to make your life whole ~i~
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